#maybe because my personal flaw is seeing the best version of someone and believing in that

[russell-crowe]

russell is probably definitely my most (publicly) flawed fave but somehow also the one i am most defensive about

[vulpisnocturna]

Heyyy so I actually just finished reading your Chrollo works and I would love to maybe brainstorm with you on having one where the reader actually is pursuing his affections, and maybe he doesn't know how to deal with it because its foreign. I would love to see him experience requited love, and the way you write is so beautiful!!

You’re too sweet! 🥹

Chrollo would be so cute in love and in a “healthy” relationship.

My headcanons are around this:

- Chrollo would be so confused at first. He would wonder what they see in him, what version or “character” he thinks he’s playing they are infatuated with. Do they see something clear about his personality? Do they ignore his amoral tendencies, or do they embrace them? Do they know his darker sides, do they see them, do they accept them?

- I think he’d look for a way to exploit this at first. If he was infatuated too, he’d probably feel like he won the lottery and play into those character traits they like to ensure the best chances of keeping them around

- If they called him out on it and told him to just be himself, he’d be impressed but also confused. Would probably ask something along the lines of “and what do you believe is “being me”?”

- Upon receiving an answer, Chrollo would do a lot of thinking about who he is, how he appears to people, how the one they are infatuated with sees them. He would probably test their “loyalty” or their infatuation by leaning more into his less savoury traits to see if they would leave, get scared or stay, whilst trying to keep himself as detached as possible to account for possible rejection

- To him, they would become so fascinating, and possibly the key to understanding himself. And yes, he would get attached, whether he tries to or not

- If they stay no matter what, Chrollo would start to become so attached to them and so fearful of a hypothetical betrayal on their part

- He would also start worrying about something happening to them, and would in turn become almost overprotective, to the point he would stalk his partner without them knowing and do background research on everyone they meet

- I feel like he would be extra jealous because he would fear being left for someone more morally acceptable. Chrollo is a confident guy, but when it comes to relationships where the control is not all in his hands, he gets nervous that his partner might choose someone who aligns with society’s morals

- He would seek them out for comfort after he begins to trust them. It would take a long while, but if he was sure they were in love with him, and he was in love with them, he’d like unwinding with them, cuddling and reading books, having them brush his hair, watching a film together etc.

- He’d try to be romantic. The poor guy would pick up some romance novels and steal “tips” from there, which would feel so forced and stilted 💀 They’d see his true romantic side in things he’d do genuinely, like stealing first editions of their favourite books, showing interest in their hobbies and conversing about them, intimacy and being a good listener as they vent or rant about something (watch the mansplaining though)

- I do believe Chrollo would treat his SO like royalty. So many dates, stolen gifts and nice food. He likes the finer things in life, and he likes to appear as a sophisticated, well-mannered gentleman. His flaws lie mostly on his morals, his arrogant, self-serving, jealous nature which stems from Meteor City ways of having to fend off others trying to steal things he has claimed as soon as he lowers his guard, and the fact that once you’re with Chrollo there is no way out unless he too gets bored. If his partner tried to leave him, he would see it as a betrayal, and turn to more drastic measures to keep them— see Yandere Chrollo.

[thetarotwitch111]

What’s their biggest secret? - pick a pile

Spotify reading: taylor’s version

Here’s to show you my spotify readings, is like tarot but using music! I interpret the lyrics of the songs that start playing, connecting them to your life.

✨help me keep bringing you free readings with some TIPS.

Thank you in advance.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

T.S 1:

Don’t Blame Me + August

They’re caught up in a love they probably shouldn’t be. It’s one of those intense I can’t get enough feelings, even though they know deep down it’s not going anywhere. They might play it cool on the outside, but inside? They’re totally obsessed. Like, they know it’s bad for them, but it feels too good to walk away from.

And then there’s the fact that this whole thing is probably long over, but they just can’t let it go. It’s very August, where they’re holding onto a moment that was never meant to last. Maybe it was a fling, maybe it was a situationship that burned out fast, but here they are, still thinking about it, still waiting for something to happen that just won’t.

They’re stuck in the past, replaying it all in their head. They act like they’re fine, but they’re secretly waiting for this connection to come back around, even though they know it’s a long shot.

Let me know if it resonates!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

T.S. 2:

Lover + Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

Your person is dreaming of a perfect relationship. They’re imagining a future with this person, but they’re not being fully real. They’re hiding parts of themselves because they’re scared that if they show who they really are, it’s going to mess everything up.

On the outside, it’s all Lover vibes, like they want the romance, the closeness, all that. But on the inside, they’ve got some stuff they’re keeping hidden. They think if their person saw the messy, complicated sides of them, they’d leave. So they’re playing it safe, showing only the “””best”””version of themselves, but it’s draining them.

They want deep love, but they don’t believe they can have it if they let someone see all their flaws. It’s like they’re living in this balance between being loved and being scared they’ll ruin it.

Let me know if it resonates!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

T.S. 3:

Anti-Hero + Cardigan

They’re really hard on themselves and they’re constantly overthinking everything, feeling like they’re not good enough, or like they’re always screwing things up. It’s Anti-Hero all the way. they might joke about it or act like they’re fine, but deep down they’re their own worst critic. Every little mistake feels huge to them, even if no one else notices.

They’re also carrying around a lot of nostalgia. Cardigan is their whole mood because they miss feeling truly loved and seen. They’re comparing what they have now to what they had before, whether that’s a relationship, a friendship, whatever. There’s this past connection that made them feel safe, and now they don’t feel like they measure up, like they’re not anyone’s favorite anymore.

They’re stuck between their own insecurities and the memories of a time when they felt better about themselves. They want to feel that love again, but they can’t scape the feeling that they’re not enough.

Let me know if it resonates!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[ace-touya]

I don’t know if anyone’s listened to the Enneagram album by Sleeping At Last, but I’m going to assign each song to an MHA character!

Izuku Midoriya

One is an optimistic song. For Izuku, I believe it highlights his beliefs that being a hero means to save others and contribute to making the world better, and the confidence he has in heroes to do that. This song also has a few lyrics that I think resonate with his arc in terms of being quirkless.

All Might

Two is a song that focuses on the narrators relationship with others rather than self-reflection like many of the other songs in enneagram. I think this highlights one of my favourite traits that All Might possesses - the fact that he’s in no way arrogant despite definitely coming across as someone who would be. The themes of this song also relate to the aspect of All Might’s character that puts others before himself far too often.

Katsuki Bakugo

Three is an anthem for burnt-out gifted kids. A major part of Katsuki’s character revolves around a fight to be the best, and this song delves into the moment of realisation that perfection isn’t necessary, and that the narrator has worth even with all their flaws

Shoto Todoroki

Four revolves around learning to find the good in the world and discovering yourself. Shoto has come a long way since season one of My Hero Academia, realising the things that he truly wants and who he wants to be, learning to forgive, and forming friendships with people who he feels safe around. In four, the narrator is still working through their feelings, but they’re beginning to love the life they lead.

Tomura Shigaraki

Five explores the thoughts of someone who needs to understand the world in order to not feel threatened by it. Tomura’s character, all throughout the series, has worked to reveal the holes in hero society. He hates it, and he wants rid of it, because he no longer wants to be hurt. The narrator of Five struggles with detachment and a fear of the chaotic world around them, feelings that I do see present in Tomura’s character. However, the narrator finds closure and belonging through human connection. And Tomura found that with the league.

Keigo Takami

Six speaks on struggling with negativity. Keigo is an overall optimistic character, but he’s been through horrific traumas and as a result, that positivity likely doesn’t come as easy to him as Izuku’s does. Keigo struggles, but he ultimately believes that the world is good. Five portrays a fight with depression, and the narrator is constantly fighting their own mind just to stay alive, yet they also want to be there for others. I think this is the kind of energy we’d get from Hawks if we saw what his day-to-day was like.

Eijiro Kirishima

Seven is a song about adventure. Kirishima is full of infectious positivity who, while maybe not the most confident in himself, is confident in his goals and morals. He wants to be manly, which to him means brave and compassionate. Seven’s narrator is always trying to move toward their goals, and deeply appreciates the world they live in and the people they’re surrounded by. Seven doesn’t seem, at first glance, to be as deep as the other songs in the album, but it is still just as introspective once you pay attention.

Touya Todoroki

Eight is about growing up too fast. When Touya became Dabi, he also became closed off and secretive. Eight’s narrator is angry, and scared of healing, and is finally putting themself and their pain on display in hopes that they’ll be understood. Dabi wants to be seen and heard and still craves the same thing he wanted as a child: validation from his father. The narrator feels like they aren’t the same person they were when they were young, and that they can’t go back to that version of themself, and has a deep sense of protectiveness over anything that they see themselves in. This is my favourite song on the album.

Himiko Toga

Nine is about the aftermath of being what others want instead of being yourself. Toga’s childhood was full of pretending to be ‘normal’ to appease her parents and fit in, leading to her desperation to be herself and do what she wants now, because she was never able to before. The narrator wants to start over, and what’s to be someone they like. They want to experience life for themselves, regardless of what other’s think of them. However, they still find their understanding of others just as important as their understanding of themself. This is my enneagram!

[shadowmaat]

The Jedi were evil all along!

I debated replying to the thread I saw condemning the Jedi as "rigid" and implying they weren't that different from the Sith, but I would have been the only voice of dissent and given that one of the replies was from a Red Hat Cultist veering off on a frothy anti-Obama rant, I figured it was safer to just make my own post.

Look, no one is saying the Jedi are perfect, but they sure as fuck aren't evil, either. If you're basing your entire opinion on the thoughts and experiences of one individual then your view is incredibly flawed and you should maybe think outside the narrow hole you've dug for yourself.

From what I can tell, some of the worst critics of the Jedi seem to be fans of Anakin Skywalker. Or at least a carefully curated version of Anakin who was a perpetual victim and never did anything wrong. It seems to boil down to "if the Jedi had just let Anakin be openly married to Padmè, nothing bad would have happened!" Which is... certainly a take.

The one argument I see trumpeted over and over (and over) again is that the Jedi prohibition against "attachment" is terrible and wrong and makes them no better than the Sith. This hinges almost entirely on the idea that "attachment" is the same thing as "love."

It isn't. Fans have spent decades explaining why it isn't only to have their reasoning mostly ignored in favor of the more angsty/tragic idea that the Jedi were forbidden to love. 🙄

"Attachment," IMO, can best be summed up as a literal interpretation of this ever-popular gif:

[img: Rosa from Brooklyn 99. She's holding a small yellow lab puppy as she says, "I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."]

Anakin has, admittedly, "had" Padmè for three years instead of a day and a half, but when he thought she was going to die, he killed everyone in the Temple, then killed her, and then continued on a murderous rampage for the next 19 years or so.

"Attachment" is dangerous for anyone, but especially for someone like Anakin, who has additional powers at his command, rigorous training in how to use them, and three years experience as a war leader.

Personally, I also have questions about whether or not marriage is actually forbidden among the Jedi or if Anakin just assumed it was because "attachment." I can see it not being a common thing, and I can also understand a relationship coming under scrutiny to insure that it's a healthy form of love that won't interfere with a Jedi's ability to do their job, but it wouldn't surprise me if Anakin never looked into it because it would mean "sharing" Padmè with others.

Even if marriage wasn't allowed as a whole formal, legalized thing it doesn't mean Jedi can't form relationships. It would, as usual with the Jedi, be about balance. Can someone balance their personal relationship with their commitments to the Order? Can they set their loved one aside to do what must be done? Or will they drop everything to immediately rush to their loved one's side regardless of the risk to others?

We all know what Anakin would do; we've seen it with our own eyes.

The point is, condemning the entire Jedi Order because they didn't give Anakin everything he wanted, when he wanted it, and without question is a little bit of a stretch. Plus, all jokes about his inability to keep a secret aside, it isn't as if he ever went to them to discuss things.

"Well, he didn't think he could trust them because they hated him!" Uh, no, they decidedly didn't hate him, he just believed they did. It all hinges on his beliefs, not reality. And while you could certainly blame Palpatine for reinforcing his beliefs that the Jedi can't be trusted and that everyone hates/is jealous of him, it isn't as if Palps made that up out of thin air: he built on the seeds already within Anakin.

"That's because the Jedi-" No. Insecurities are rarely rational, and while you can argue that the Jedi "didn't do enough" to help Anakin, there are a few salient points to remember:

Anakin isn't the only Jedi in the Order; they have thousands of people to consider.

You have to know there's a problem in order to help.

The person has to be willing to accept that help in order for things to change.

The last two points also apply to those who would condemn Obi-Wan in particular. He has to KNOW a problem exists and then he has to talk his way around to try and get Anakin to accept his help. I know from personal experience just how heartbreakingly difficult it is to help a loved one when they won't admit there's a problem or they won't listen to your advice.

I can think of a lot of ideas that would be fun to experiment with in terms of making changes to the Jedi Order, but most of them involve adding more distance from the Senate and none of them are about catering to the specific (perceived) needs of one Jedi.

[realpinkdiamondsstuff]

I've been thinking lately, and i'll try to keep this relatively short, but I believe that Spinel is a mirror of Pink's behaviour, and she would be a good narrative instrument to better understand her. Like, she's a PARODY of Pink in a way.

She has been gifted to her to replace Pink Pearl,right? And PP behaved a lot like PD ( joking with her, helping her with pranks), she imitated Pink Diamond a lot,that's one of the reasons why they got along so well. And so, the Diamonds end up creating this gem which its entire purpose is to entertain Pink like PP did but without personality, and it ends up being a copy of HER own mannerisms: her childness is how the Diamonds see Pink in a way. They make Spinel hug everyone because that's what Pink did, they make her a juggler because that's what Pink likes to do,etc. PP did those things because Pink taught her, and they decide to skip the whole training montage and go straight to the end result. What they dont get is that Pink DID that because she wanted to SHARE her own abilities and activities that made her happy to enjoy TOGETHER and BOND with someone else, but to do that have to GROW TOGETHER. Instead, the diamonds gave her a ready made robot that already came like that, and she couldn’t do much more. Also, since they made Spinel be basically a crude and unrealistic version of Pink Diamond, she saw constantly herself in her, and especially in her FLAWS. Spinel is uncaring at best and obtuse at worst: she cannot grasp the concept of unhappiness and has no empathy for others pain. Pink must have thought often " is this how i really am? Am I so bad??" Also, at that time PD was going through a very bad time, and Spinel's uncaringness must have not helped at all with bonding.

But, the point is, Spinels flaws are also Pink's: she WAS unempathetic to a certain degree . If this is true, then also Spinel's behaviour in the movie is reflective up to a pretty close point with Pink's. When she was overattached with the first person she met, it means that Pink must have been like that too, or at least to a degree noticeable by the diamonds, which tracks with PD's neglect and emotional uninvolvement of her caregivers. She probably had separation anxiety or abandonment issues, seen as she was left alone in her room or in the tower for questionable amounts of time. She may have felt used or uncared for after having completed her duties and betrayed often, like Spinel was after disarmoring the injector, but still very involved and willing to help. She DID have violent emotional outburtsts, just like Spinel's fight with Steven, resolving maybe in a similar manner. And at the end, she just felt INCREDIBLY alone and wanted a friend, but felt doomed to become every time a worse version of herself and being incapable of positive change, but still believing in other's ability to better oneself ( when YOU change, you change for the BETTER, when I change, i change for the WORST). This single line of dialogue could very well apply to the both of them equally, marking this parallels.

All of that to say that placing Spinel and Pink against one another and hating only one or the other blinds us to this interconnection and mirroring between the two, which imo would help tremendously the fandom to understand Pink better. I believe this would make the discourse around Pink's abandonment of Spinel a lot more nuanced and would lessen the toxicity in the fandom. This are just my two cents ofc.

[rhielizabethj]

You’ve trained me well. You stripped away my confidence, my back bone, my spirit and left me broken. Where did the pervious version of me go? I was healing, I was happy I was full of promise. Now I’m left shattered, confused, raw.

Everytime you told me I was stupid, I was the problem, everytime you would yell at me, slam doors in my face. Every time you’d diminish me to nothing I started to believe it. I’m left sitting here wondering what is so wrong about the person I am? Was I not loveable? Was I not good enough? Was I not worth working through your own trauma so you could show up in a healthy way for me? I feel unworthy of love, I feel like your words and treatment have rewired my brain. Everything you said to me feels like truth now, even though there’s a tiny piece of me screaming trying to make my brain understand it’s not the truth.

Little by little your abuse had its desired effect on me. I feel scared, I feel out of control. I feel like crawling back to you would be so much easier. We could pretend things are healthy and fine, you would probably be so nice to me at first. Saying how much you missed me, saying how sorry you are how you’ll change. It could be a few good months, maybe you’d be able to fill my cup up halfway before you switched and decided to smash it. We could play pretend and it would feel safe again, if only for momentarily.

But I think it’s safe to say we both know nothing will change. You fill my head with your distorted version of reality, lies, you make it seem like you want to change that you want to be a better man. You speak this into existence but the follow through is never there. It’s just another form of manipulation so you don’t have to face the pain of being alone. You twist into your distorted version and I start to believe it. I believe it because I want to be with you. I want to grow old with you, I love you. But then you yell at me, or block me from leaving our bedroom and I come crashing down to reality, I am forced to see things for what they are. They aren’t healthy, my feelings aren’t safe, this is not a safe environment to flourish with you.

The path I’m walking is unknown but there’s promise and hope. For once there’s hope, I know things will get better for me. I know day by day I’m healing. Every conversation I have with my therapist, best friend, people who have been in similar situations brings me to a place where I’m seeing through your façade of lies. I’m realizing the things you said to me and the way you treated me was wrong. You might never see your behaviour for what it really is, it’s hard to face the truth. Rose coloured glasses have been your vision for you to long. I tried to take them off and hold your hand, I tried to help you see the flaws and toxicity. I tried to hard to make things healthy.

Someone who comes from a place of love, compassion and kindness knows your actions are wrong. You don’t get to put your hands on someone and down play it, you don’t get to choke me and say I was drunk. You don’t get to blame my self defence as the problem. You don’t get to yell at me or continuously throw insult after insult at me. Your emotional abuse is quite literally that. It’s not love, it’s not kindness. You have that in you, I’ve seen the man you could truly be if you just committed to getting help, therapy, an outlet for your anger. You broke me down with every nasty thing you said to me, and now I wonder if this was your plan. Break me down so badly I become quiet and hide how you treat me. I think you hoped I’d stay this small accepting your crumbs when you felt like I was worth loving and when I wasn’t I was then punished with your acts of verbal abuse. You might not have left black eyes or broken bones. But the vile things you said has now imprinted on my soul. You’ve left a permanent scar in my heart and I’m so scared I’ll forever accept abuse with the next person I love. I’m scared that the impact you had on me will be permanent. That I’m tainted. That I’ll forever be apologizing for something that wasn’t my fault. You said I apologize to much but in an environment that made me feel like I was the problem, in an environment where it’s easier to just agree what more did you expect?

I don’t think I have ever been called so many names in the time span of two years. In two years I went from being the most amazing person, the most caring, most loving. You said you loved me so much that I was your light. But then you blew that light out and still expected me to guide the way. You wanted me to be your rock, but instead I became an actual rock. You hardened me, I shut down and grew a hard shell around me to protect me from the mean things you’d say.

I’m not a bitch, I’m not stupid, I’m not a cunt, I’m not crazy, annoying or unattractive. Im not ugly, I’m not a shitty friend, I’m not worthless, I’m not any of those things you said to me. You will never put your hands on me again, you will never smash a door into my back, or slam it in my face, you will never lock me out of a room or balcony again, you’ll never yell at me infront of my children again, you’ll never treat me like fucking scum in front of my friends again. You’ll never tear apart my relationship with my mom or family again. You’ll never isolate me, you’ll never make me feel like I have no one again. You’ll never bash my pervious relationship with my children’s father again. You’ll never bash my body or personal hygiene again. You’ll never tear apart my sexual acts again. You will never be able to treat me like that again. I’m realizing I won’t be someone you can keep in your back pocket for later. I won’t be here to see you continue to make the same mistakes with someone new, I won’t watch the new girl become “the problem” I won’t be here because I deserve better.

I was becoming a pathetic puppy dog chasing after you, you truly did train me well. Even after being broken up for a month and a half I’m still accepting you blaming me for everything. I’m still allowing you to be hot and cold with me, I’m still allowing you to ignore me and then gaslight me like none of this is happening. I’m still allowing shitty treatment and why, because you’ve trained me well.

I will always love you, I will always wish I was important enough to you to receive an apology, ownership for how you treated me, changed behaviour. But you’re not ready to see, you’re not ready to admit that maybe the abused became the abuser. I love you, but I love myself enough to let it all go. I love my self enough to release me from all of the pain, the broken promises, the abuse.

[relativelydimensional]

I posted 3,498 times in 2022

That's 107 more posts than 2021!

55 posts created (2%)

3,443 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@rythyme

@angrybi-king

@talesofwhalesandflowerpots

@sicklizardmeme

@frumpybutsupersmart

I tagged 2,187 of my posts in 2022

Only 37% of my posts had no tags

#bad buddy - 247 posts

#the untamed - 151 posts

#kinnporsche - 105 posts

#star trek tos - 71 posts

#not me - 62 posts

#untamed fanart - 52 posts

#our flag means death - 52 posts

#<3 - 43 posts

#spirk - 42 posts

#merthur - 41 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i also fully believe that cql future timeline lwj would just stand there without saying anything until one of the juniors started crying lm

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

hi so i started the devil judge the other day and this is the sexiest gay gothic romance i've ever experienced

170 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

#4

Hi I just have some thoughts about Bad Buddy, because I've kind of come to the realisation recently that it has –and I'm not exaggerating when I say this– changed me as a person.

I am an enemies to lovers hoe, or at least I thought I was one until I watched bad buddy. I feel like the central appeal to enemies to lovers is this idea that someone could see the worst parts of you and love you anyway, in spite of those flaws or maybe because of them. And I think bad buddy gets to the core of that want, which when you boil it down is a desire to be known.

Pat and Pran are set up like enemies, rival families and friends groups; forced to compete at school, in sports and music, even at......being uni students? Their relationship for most of their lives depends on them being the worst versions of themselves with each other. It's kind of the perfect set up for enemies to lovers. But where bad buddy differs is it isn't enemies to lovers, because patpran aren't enemies. They're best friends. Best friends to the point when even when they 'break up' Pran says THIS

and like that really fuckin sends me over the edge into unhinged territory gang?!?!? like even with every other aspect of their lives stacked up against them, the fact that they're friends is just a completely unshakable concept for them both!!!!!!

like they love each other sure but they also LIKE EACHOTHER im feral

P'Aof is really just a healing presence lmao like he was like 'hi oh you like enemies to lovers? you poor , thing, come closer i'll let you in on a secret, you can be truely known and loved and you're allowed that'

Literally since this encounter i have not known peace, i havent even breathed near the enermies to lovers tag on ao3 im ONLY reading friends to lovers or old married couple fics and its entirely this shows fault

232 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

#3

that awkward moment when your dad barges into your sex dungeon to yell at you for not doing your chores properly 😞

387 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

#2

Misfits (2010) / Umbrella Academy (2022)

482 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Porshay: how to do I write a song?

Kim: oh writing a song? Word. It's easy! You need to get..... Your brothers social security number...... And give it....... To me.

1,117 notes - Posted May 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[messybuttrill]

People Love You When You're Fat But Not When You Are Skinnier

When you’re carrying a few extra pounds–by choice, circumstance, or because shit happens–people are always so quick to reassure us. When I was 185 pounds people always hit me with the “you look amazing!” Or the “you’re so healthy, you’re not fat.” And at that point, you start to believe it because maybe this is your best self, because people are celebrating you for being fuller, curvier, raw, however you want to put it. Your body becomes a symbol of your confidence, how you are accepted, and suddenly you’re the one to aspire to. But then, in what seems like a cruel twist of fate, I shed 60 of those pounds. Yes it was willpower and a combination of my body finally pulling its shit together, but suddenly I’m at my lightest, and the compliments stop. Ironically, the judgment rolls in.

There’s the subtle question on how I did it: “You’re so skinny now, what’s your secret?”, like achieving health and fitness somehow threatens someone else’s sense of security. As if. And there are always the under the breath comments about how you “don’t look like yourself anymore” or, my personal favorite, the “friends” who suggest you’re “too thin.” My body is not a reflection of a character flaw rather a personal choice.

So why the hell is it that when you are at your lightest, people act like it’s something you have to apologize for? Could it be behind all of the body-positivity campaigns there’s actually an unspoken rule that we should all just stay in our “comfort zones” of what’s acceptable? When you embrace a new version of yourself–whether it’s leaner, stronger, or just straight up different–it’s somehow seen as an act of rebellion, not just personal growth.

This is my take: It’s easier to celebrate someone when they are “just like us.” When you are at your “heaviest,” it feels like you’re part of a shared struggle. But when you shed that weight, you’re breaking free. You’re stepping into a version of yourself that others may not recognize, or worse, now see you are competition. But to be honest, when you change, you challenge yourself and the status quo, and people don’t always know how to react to that. It’s almost as if they are invested in a version of you, one that isn’t “perfect” but feels more accessible and less intimidating.

The truth is, the way people perceive your body says that they have ‘a calling coming from inside the house’. And that will always say more about them then it does for your choices. At the end of the day it’s your body, your choice, and your journey. In the end, maybe my real question isn’t why people react the way they do–it’s why we let them define how we feel about our bodies in the first place? Because when you look in the mirror and feel good, that’s all that matters.

We seem to celebrate everyone else’s version of beauty, isn’t it time we started celebrating our own?

[yonderlyporcupine]

Omg I just got a comment on Sin City that was long and thoughtful and that I loved and then it disappeared 😭 and I was just about to reply too. So I’m hoping that maybe if I answer some of the questions I remember here you might see it:

the main question was: Does Husk have all the context? And if he does, why is being such an ass to Alastor?

okay so the answer is … vague so sorry about that. But here we go - I’m being intentionally ambiguous about how much Husk knows but if you must know my thoughts they are mixed

I’m mostly inclined to believe that Husk’s suspensions are pretty close to what happened. He might not have all the specifics down, and I suspect he’d be pretty shocked if he really knew all the details but he has pieced together the jist of what’s happened. And that’s probably as far as he’s gonna get, since Vaggie, Charlie and Angel are not about to divulge details mostly because it’s absolutely not their place to do so. And it’s not like Alastor is about to go talking to anyone about it.

Which leads to some issues. One is that, despite his suspicions, Husk is having a hard time really believing that something like that could happen to someone like Alastor. When you see someone as an untouchable monster, it’s hard to align them with the image of a victim. Secondly: Husk doesn’t like Alastor. Like he cares because he’s a good person, but he was thrilled when Alastor was gone in the last episode and he was horrified when Alastor returned. I don’t really hate anyone but I know from personal experience that it can be really hard to have sympathy for someone who abuses you, even when objectively you can understand that something that happened to them was horrible and wrong. Thirdly: this is just a funny bit of information that I have applied to my version of Husk but did you know that cats hiss when they’re confused? I like to think Husk’s go to response to confusion and frustration is anger and aggression. Especially towards some as antagonistic as Alastor. Additionally, while of course we all think we would be able to be the best version of ourselves in light of awful circumstances, I can attest that that is rarely the case. We as human beings tend to be flawed and emotionally driven creatures. I didn’t want to write the “perfect” Husk. I wanted to write a Husk that was angry at Alastor and his double standards and his general callousness to the suffering of others.

Regardless though, Husk will stand by the hotel and will be happy to rock Valentino’s shit if push comes to shove.

[away-ward]

Hey, thanks for the reply for my ask! The tiktok video i sent was under the username @ wanderbella_ and the post is picture of a blonde woman with some blue dress (?) the title was "you think you won? nah girl you're just easy". This one >> ( https://www.tiktok.com/@wanderbella_/video/ 7268488507641941253?_r=1&_t=8fChpFFVp7o ) just delete the space between / and 7

And yea, i think im just not a fan of unnecessary jealousy scenes, which was why i like your fic because even if some type of jealousy was present, it never took away much from willemmy's relationship building outside of it. I also agree with your point about will's potential, because i believe if only pd just gave him more on page time and development, he wouldve been an amazing character. He was so lost, and maybe his stagnant surrounding also amplified it, so why cant we see him doing something else that's opposite to what he had, that could later on add his growth or something? even his vacation and other good things he did before blackchurch took a backseat, they were only mentioned in passing, so we really dont know this "amazing will" that his friends saw, we were only just told about it. So we got the shitty version of him (especially the treating women like shit), and we were expected to like him and be like "oh will, so romantic!" "The best horsemen to treat his woman right" Like where?! 😒 Istg, this particular angle of Nightfall will was so similar to corrupt michael, its such a turn off: The same flaws of michael that i hated in corrupt, especially the almost to no development ON PAGE of misogynistic weak male characters who cant stand up for themselves and their woman then let others treat their women like shit in front of everybody, and pd even had the fucking audacity to write a scene where michael called emmy weak 🙄 (However, Was what michael was true? I think In a certain angle it is, because even emmy had acknowledged that there are somethings she didnt have courage to fight for then because of her situation, but she wasnt a coward in everything. Then we got will who is shit at everything, even at loving emory, because apart from being a jobless and useless character, even as someone who was written to be the MMC of the book, he just sits there in thunder bay on his high horse and complaint in his head here and there like an annoyng insufferrable karen. So these mfs can go f themselves honestly.

One thing about this series that i fcking hate is the men likes to humiliate others and even their women in front of everybody, and then "let" them fight, and rebrand it as "women empowerment". Its 2023 why are MCs still the one to define what women empowerment is? And why do female readers ate them up? Thats why i said, a big reason why the FMCs in this series was treated like shit by their friends is because the horsemen lead them by example. Like hideaway michael learned later to stand up for rika and not let her always gight alone like in corrupt, and afterwards he put banks in her place, kai in fire night for that prank, damon for overcrossing his boundaries etc. at least we see growth, bare minimum but its still there. But nightfall will, oh god, fucking useless, why the fuck was he still around alex after all of that? We never even saw will telling her off to shut the fuck up and go mind her own business. We never even got a sorry from alex. Emmy was better than me because if alex was my friend, i wouldve cut her off from my life, but then emmy was kinda dumb to go back to will without making him apologize and fight for her more too so i guess being dumb is a general theme for this series.

For me personally, i also hate that these men can do whatever they want, but the readers just buy whatever they say, without actually thinking about what they just said and did. The two most laughable quote to me are from damon (others are all from michaelrika lmao) where he said in conclave and nightfall about how he thought hes best around women now and women only dont know how to fight if they were taught. Do i disagree with him? Not fully. But do i hate that Damon was the one to say this? Fuck yeah. I had to laugh because really, damon was suddenly the one to say this? Its more believable if theres a steady character growth for him relating with female presence in his life, but nooo one day hes a villain, and the next hes a feminist 🙄 His stupid switch of personality was so?? unsatisfying to read. And thats the thing, pd wrote all these shitty scenes about shitty men, jumping from one characterisation to another within 24 hours, and still expect us to buy it under the pretense of "going over the edge, feeling everything, doing whatever you want, deal with your shame, dont run away from it". Wow, pd, youre so inspirational! #1 feminist! 🙄😒

Anyway, I think will's character is probably the second most disappointing thing i have to read from the series, with the other 3 horsemen's povs combined being the most disappointing thing about DN. Idk, i think i just hate reading about women-hate in books and unequally matched power couple where one of them is very blatantly weaker (oh on that note, the same goes with winterdamon. Why is damon's partner someone like that??? Shes so stale! Lacking intensty, and I very much agree with your other anon that winter was just so useless outside of damon and being a ballerina, and to me, its not even because she was blind. Theres a lot of amazing things that disabled people can do irl and pd didnt even try to do their research well and make her a more outstanding character. We could literally have a great disabled rep in DN, but nah, pd said, aint no way for non-damonrika content and disabled women empowerment today!) Even worse when that weakness was made to be their whole personality, as if he or she does not have a backbone or anything going outside of it. Will grayson was literally a person of himself, a son, a friend, a potential uncle, a lover, a family gatherer (or wtv you name it) and many other things, but pd cant even slip this into his character??? Ugh. I already had many problems with will's character but like i said in my intial ask, his bad treatment towards women just seals my hate for him, just like the three other horsemen. i hate him, and i dont think im ever gonna take recs with "characters like will grayson" again if theyre the exact same with the one i read.

Lastly, i dont think you come off as will grayson's #1 fan or anything, nor do i think it's a problem neither. i also understand that if you do come off as one, its not my place to yuck your yum bevause this is your blog, and as much as a stranger like me can asks you asks, this is still your blog and a place for you and your moots to have fun with your fan contents first above everything. I believe that even if you maybe do enjoy something problematic etc. from this series or from somewhere else, by looking at your anons' response here, you seem to know the difference between fiction and reality and is very respectful when you deal with different responses and opinions, so thats a good thing. I only came here to express my frustration, thats all. Thank you for reading & replying!

Hey!!

Okay, I was able to see the tiktok this time and I totally get what you’re saying. Will definitely used women to make himself more comfortable and Alex, if that’s who you were imagining when you saw this, shouldn’t feel any type of pride for having “bagged” him. The truth is, both Alex and Will are easy lays who require little to no effort to coax into bed. I mean, I think Will would be loyal to Em once they’re together, but outside of that Will has no guardrails to keep him from doing stupid stuff. Both he and Alex live in the gutter where that’s concerned.

, which was why i like your fic because even if some type of jealousy was present, it never took away much from willemmy's relationship building outside of it.

Not sure which fic you’re talking about but I’m assuming it’s No Apologies since that deals with jealousy the most. It was a struggle for me to write because I never thought of Will as an openly jealous person, but again, I’m not any kind of authority on the character and as PD as proven time and again, I have sort of a glorified “but he’s actually better than this” view of him.

That being said, I did feel that he had no right to his jealousy in any way. So I had to (for myself) find a reason to justify it and it seemed the best course to make it about Em lying all the time. Lying about the abuse, lying about her feelings for him, lying about other men touching her, not admitting that she signed that paper even though he knew it was all a crock. She lied, seemingly to protect other people when she should have been worried about him, and that's what he's jealous over. It was the only way I could make it work, because I also don't see the point of a useless or misplaced jealousy plotline!!!

even his vacation and other good things he did before blackchurch took a backseat, they were only mentioned in passing, so we really dont know this "amazing will" that his friends saw, we were only just told about it. So we got the shitty version of him

Yeah, exactly! I few asks ago I went off the rails about him because all these little things he does that aren’t really touched on and are sort of glossed over really paint a different picture of him than the one we see on the page. And had any of those traits been brought out more, he could have really shined.

this particular angle of Nightfall will was so similar to corrupt michael, its such a turn off: The same flaws of michael that i hated in corrupt, especially the almost to no development ON PAGE of misogynistic weak male characters who cant stand up for themselves and their woman then let others treat their women like shit in front of everybody

I didn’t really piece this together right away but you’re right. Will during BC and Michael before the Big Twist are very similar. Willing to let their friends hurt the girl they “care about” because their revenge is more important and “it’s what they deserve,” only to find out that their involvement was nothing at all and shouldn’t even be considered. Really need to find a different plot here. Also, as you said, it’s weird that both Michael and Will took the same course of action. They’re two completely different characters, so shouldn’t they have reacted differently to learning of their girl’s “betrayal”?  I think I tend to be more forgiving towards Will’s anger (not to be confused with his treatment of Em, just his anger and ability to justify himself), because he loved to such an extreme extend of course he would hate her the same way. His emotions swing from one extreme to the other. Michael was always mean to Rika. His love and hate seem exactly the same to me. But anyway.

pd even had the fucking audacity to write a scene where michael called emmy weak

there was an anon who had an interesting take on this scene. I’ll link it here. The point was about half-way down. I'm not sure which I tend to think is more believable - Michael actually had a plan with calling Emmy weak, or Michael truly believed her to be weak because she didn't trust them and wanted to hurt her. But I did like that this was a new and different idea.

One thing about this series that i fcking hate is the men likes to humiliate others and even their women in front of everybody, and then "let" them fight, and rebrand it as "women empowerment". Its 2023 why are MCs still the one to define what women empowerment is? And why do female readers ate them up?

You bring up an interesting (and frustrating) point, that I think is a lot bigger than this series. Yes, female characters should be able to defend themselves. But does that always have to be through physical violence? It’s annoying that every girl in this series falls in to that trap (except Winter? I can’t remember. Other than her speaking Damon into a sobbing mess, I don’t remember much about her big coming into power moment.). Like, female empowerment can come in so many different expressions. But for some, the physical violence is and coming out of humiliation seemingly unscathed a draw and I don’t begrudge them that.

Like hideaway michael learned later to stand up for rika and not let her always gight alone like in corrupt, and afterwards he put banks in her place, kai in fire night for that prank, damon for overcrossing his boundaries etc. at least we see growth, bare minimum but its still there. But nightfall will, oh god, fucking useless, why the fuck was he still around alex after all of that? We never even saw will telling her off to shut the fuck up and go mind her own business.

I would have loved to see Will tell Alex to shut up just once. If PD was going to create a side to take between Alex and Em (even if for a moment), Will should have had to make a choice and he should have taken Em’s side. But instead we had Alex and Will standing together and Em meeting them where they're at. That’s worth a scream, I think.

Yes, since Will and Damon had the most to recover from, I think they should have been the last two in the series. However, Damon’s course to recovery and redemption is a little more predictable than Will’s. Which is why I will always stand by the idea that Damon’s book should have been the series finale and no one will ever change my mind. We should have gotten the chance to see a healthy or recovering Will. A Will at his best, because frankly… we have no idea what that would look like. And moving Damon’s redemption to the end of the series means that we can do a ten-year epilogue where Damon is a healthier version of himself where it didn’t seem like it happened overnight.

Idk, i think i just hate reading about women-hate in books and unequally matched power couple where one of them is very blatantly weaker

I think this probably where we differ the most, because I don’t mind this (that’s probably obvious from the stuff I’ve been posting lately), but only if there is eventually an equalizing of power. We do see that in DNs, it’s just done badly like most stuff in the series. Again, the potential was there. The bones are good. The overall idea is really fun. It’s the execution that trips up most readers, and that’s probably because there are so many other books that take on the same tropes and do something better to a varying degree. Either the revenge plot is better or the friendships are better or the FMC are preferrable. It’s understandable why this series isn’t everyone’s cup of tea when there’s nothing solely original about it. It just happened to combined enough of the things I like for me to discard the things I don’t (most of the time.)

, its not even because she was blind. Theres a lot of amazing things that disabled people can do irl and pd didnt even try to do their research well and make her a more outstanding character. We could literally have a great disabled rep in DN, but nah, pd said, aint no way for non-damonrika content and disabled women empowerment today!

Absolutely correct, and there was that other anon who mentioned diversity and how we couldn’t really expect PD to do extensive research about POC, so going off of that, Winter never stood a chance. I did like that at times she showed her abilities in both hearing sounds others couldn’t pick up and actually hearing the words people say, pulling out things other people would have passed over, but I also feel that PD used her blindness as an excuse for that and had it never occurred to them to make Winter blind, it would have just been another character that did those things because Plot Convenience.

But this does pose the question: what could PD have done with Winter to make her a believable blind character and make her blindness more apart of the story? Because of the action this series tends to lean towards, I always see Winter as a liability. She needs to be led everywhere; I never see her fight. But that assumption isn't really fair to actual blind individuals. What could have been done to make her a good rep?

Will grayson was literally a person of himself, a son, a friend, a potential uncle, a lover, a family gatherer (or wtv you name it) and many other things, but pd cant even slip this into his character???

I don’t know what you mean by family gatherer, but I do like that he’s the mood maker of the crew. People tend to gravitate towards him and trust him for whatever reason. He could have used that to his advantage if he were smarter. I also liked that Will was the only one with family that wasn’t included in the story. It’s clear that Damon has more siblings that just the two we met, but we don’t care about those because it’s so vague. Michael killed his brother, Kai has no siblings. Other than their parents, we know nothing about their extended family. But Will has two brothers, two cousins (one deceased), an uncle, ect. Like he has an actual family outside the group. I don’t know. It’s nice that PD expounded on some of that even though it’s not really relevant.

i hate him, and i dont think im ever gonna take recs with "characters like will grayson" again if theyre the exact same with the one i read.

Someone is recommending books with the line “characters like will grayson” but they’re not exclusively talking about High School/Simp-Supreme Will? Are they insane? That’s clearly the superior Will.

As for your last paragraph, thank you. I do have fun talking and trashing these characters because none of it really matters in the end, right. And I do try to create a space where people can sound off whatever things frustrated them, or things they liked about the series, without worrying they’ll be judged or laughed at for it. There’s no reason the fandom can’t be a place for people to enjoy, even if that means pointing out very real flaws with the material and still be heard.

Also, thank you for reading all those other anon's asks and being respectful when bringing them up. That means a lot for me and I'm sure to them as well.

*bold not meant for emphasis but for ease of reading/skimming.

[selfcareserenade]

Rewriting Myself

Back then, I was addicted to the exciting feeling of knowing someone for the first time. I also love the feeling of introducing myself to someone for the first time. I guess it's because I like being able to be a new person again, be the version of myself that maybe cannot be shown to other people who have known me and already had their idea of who I am. I can determine how I want to be perceived and I think it's a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself. Just like someone going on a first date, they dressed up their best in hope that the other person would like what they see at first glance. Recently, I thought again about this. I haven't felt that burst again for so long. Sometimes I am curious on how would it feel to be pregnant. How would it feel having something to protect to inside your body. And it made me ponder, why can't I do the same to my own belly? The fat made me feel like I'm not worth it because I don't have a thin figure. I just realized that my thoughts are reflected in my body language. The gesture gave away in telling others that I don't even think that I love me. Our flaws are more visible to us than to other people. But the absence of confidence shows, and how can we expect people to respect us when we can't even do the same? If we as the inhibitant of this body are not satisfied with ourselves, how can we put the hope of fixing us in someone else? And now, if I have to list good things about myself, I am that clueless. It almost feels like I can not even think of a single valuable trait of me. I was so used to frame myself as this helpless victim. I am a bad storyteller about my own life. I always put myself not as the protagonist, but as someone who is full of flaws and dark side that is struggling to find a reason to live. I am too focused on the negative part of myself. So the narrative that I always told to my subconsciousness is never in a positive tone. When I am being faced to a condition that I have to present the best of me, I get confused. I don't know what's worthy of me, because I was so used to the idea that I was never good enough. And I will never believe if someone else told me so, because that's what I've been telling myself for years: I can't do anything because I am just lame. Truly, I am the one who has disabled myself. So in the journey to find ourselves, if we cannot tell stories about ourselves in a positive light, we will never believe that we are, indeed, a human being who is worthy to live. We have to make us root for ourselves. Got to bet that we are gonna win. Tell ourselves over and over again until we start to feel that we are not some abstract concept flying in the air and struggling to be a solid form. We do not need to seek some reason to live and grasp it tightly as if it's gone we cannot walk on by. Because the essence of life is to truly live and feel and experience all these amazing things that's already there around us, placed just before our eyes. But how can we do that if we are just glued to staring at the ground, magnifying a dot until it burns? 

[deyasworld]

Okay, the topic is relevant right now so I wanted to talk about my experience.

Look when I was in my early 20’s, it was a period of my life where every day my brain would be trying to come up with a suicide plan. There were many factors I wanted to straighten out before doing it, so they kept me from trying anything.

Every negative thought made sense at the time, I had heard the worst insults coming from people I loved, and I distanced myself from my friends and fandom and stopped drawing. I felt like I had nothing to show for myself, and the only two things I had I could lose any second, and would tell myself I preferred to lose Absolutely Everything, than withstand to lose things little by little.

Around the time those posts were made, I attempted on my life two times.

I was terrified of turning 25 and stay a failure, and I felt like a burden to my family. I felt like I was going to do my family a favor by dying, they wouldn’t have to worry about me burdening them anymore. I hated myself so much, I feared the thought of there being an afterlife forcing me to stay alive somehow. And maybe part of me still believes this, because yeah, the negative thoughts are right about many things.

But there is something I taught myself to understand.

I taught myself to see the bigger picture. I learned to be okay with what I have.

Truth comes in many colors, and life is a lot more complicated than black and white. And while my self critiques were true, they weren’t the only thing I had to show for myself. I had to be kinder to myself, because if I met someone on my same situation, I wouldn’t dare judge them the way I judge myself.

I could tell this because despite feeling my worst, I had so many people, who were not my family, and some that had never met me in person, who cared about me, and valued my smarts 🥺❤️‍🩹

They were only really asking for my opinions and sending me their ideas, but it made me feel important, like someone they were building their paths with. I felt validated, and listened, and just humbled that they’d made a space of their time for me 🥺

I used to be bullied by my entire class when I was a kid. It got to a point where everyone got tired of bullying me and they straight up ignored me. I was a very lonely child, and I had to learn to be okay with solitude. The fact that people sporadically want my attention makes me feel important, and validated 🥺💝

For a while one of my negative thoughts was that the only way someone could love me is if they don’t know me for real. To this day I’m scared of love. I dated a few people, and allowed myself to trust, and some of these relationships left me with scars, but I survived. I’m glad I allowed myself to love, even if I didn’t feel worthy of it.

I learned to be okay with myself. Even if I hate myself still, I learned to be okay with that. Healing does not mean denying, and growth does not mean enduring. I couldn’t be better, but that didn’t mean I had to hate myself. You HAVE to be okay with being flawed first if you want to get better, because if you want to hike up a mountain, you need comfortable shoes.

It takes time, and a lot of effort, but every bit is worth it. Be okay with being angry, be okay with not feeling like the best version of you, because if you want to be happy and better, you need to be comfortable with “failure”, because when you’re at the bottom you can only go up.

This shit ain’t easy, but honey, everyone is afraid of death. You’re already beating that fear, looking at death straight in the eye. You’re tough, and you’ve got guts. This depression is exhausting because you’re your body is literally fighting for your life, and every effort to keep it up is a fight worth winning.

It sucks because nobody sees it, everyone judges and nobody cares. But it’s okay. Be okay with not being okay.

Treat yourself with kindness. You deserve it. You wouldn’t be this rude to a stranger.

And most importantly, learn to love the little things, as stupid and normal as they are.

I went to see the Solar Eclipse nearby, and saw the Aurora Borealis in my backyard this year. I saw my favorite band in concert last year, thinking they would never tour again, and went on my first solo trip. I saw two shooting stars two days ago, and one very tiny one tonight.

Some places I used to love closed down, and I’m still sad about it, but I also got to try an ice cream shop that opened near where I live, and it makes me very happy. I have enough space in my heart for grief and joy, and I appreciate everything I learned from these experiences; my job now is to make sure I fight for the good things that are in my control, and make sure they can keep happening.

Love your friends. I know they’re just sending you memes, and I know maybe they have other friends they seem to like better, but the fact that they consider you at all says your presence matters, and if you don’t feel appreciated enough, you can try again with other people. Be the friend you want other people to be to you; understand people have limits, and nobody is perfect.

But above it all, be kind to yourself. It might not make sense, you might feel shame, and it sure as hell will be hard, but you deserve to love yourself. For the fuck of it, for the spite of it, or simply because it would be nice, it’s all valid.

Loving yourself is the hardest thing to do, but it’s worth every effort, because once you’ve learned to love yourself, everything else becomes easy.

It is absolutely possible to beat your depression, I beat mine years ago, but I still have Executive Dysfunction and I think I need medication.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

So do you guys remember my post about Jedi meeting their birth families and being chill with it? 

I’ve been thinking a bit - a lot, for like a year - about all the headcanons around Jedi’s biological people, and there are really only two possible cases that seem to get explored: the pure of heart, flawed but loving, desperate parents who ‘had’ to give up their precious child to the Jedi and didn’t feel they had a choice (most commonly seen from the more Jedi critical parts of the fandom, but not always), and the horribly abusive no good parents at all who gladly dumped their baby onto the Order (which appears to be the way of some Jedi fans to ‘justify’ the adoption into the Order as legitimate, which really shouldn’t be the point because adoptions are just as legitimate without abuse factoring in).

What’s kinda sad is how little we’re willing to explore all the possibilities, maybe because we don’t want to be perceived as on the wrong side of the fandom by our own pals. We all deal with just so much bad faith discourse that we smooth out any sort of human drama and nuance to try and have clear cut narratives that are so black and white that they must prevent bad faith interpretations. Jedi have to be perfect pure angels that have never done anything wrong to be recognized as good, because we’re afraid that if we write them in an interesting way people will jump on the opportunity to accuse them of all sorts of stuff.

Well, I’m tired of vanilla fics and good guys vs bad guys when dealing with purely human everyday stuff. Bad guys are for the galactic battles, the epic clash of eternal forces. When dealing with how Jedi younglings come to the Order, we can have plenty of amazing, heart-wrenching drama and warm, happy moments where all sorts of good and regular people have different goals and meet and clash without anyone being at ‘fault’ or being to blame for it. I want to see (*sigh* to write) complex, difficult situations that can’t be perfectly resolved but where people do try and everyone feels like a *person*.

With that out of the way, what about:

- the unanimously proud communities, so honored that their daughter will represent their people and traditions among the Order, wear their clothing and bear their name

- the desperate mother with proud relatives, who doesn’t want to give away her child, but feels pressured into it by well-meaning relatives. The Master feels her reluctance and tries to reassure her, but she insists that it’s fine - and it is, she wants it to be, she wants to believe it’s for the best but it’s just so hard...

- Stass Allie’s parents, who saw their niece Adi GAllia go to the Order a few years prior. Their two families are influential on Coruscant, but with Adi already in the Order, do they need to send Stass too? Will people think they’re making a grab for power? Will Stass be better off over there, with her cousin? 

- Tiplar and Tiplee’s parents. How many children do they have, besides their twins? Is it easier to let your children go when you know they will be together? Did they make the Master promise they wouldn’t be separated no matter what? Did they dress them in matching outfits, or were the Jedi the ones to come up with that?

- the teenaged single mom who cries tears of relief when she realizes her baby will have a good life

- the single dad who can’t bring himself to let his daughter go, because she’s his whole world. The Master presses, not fully understanding, because she would would give up everything for the good of her Padawan, including her relationship with him if need be. The dad still says no.

- the struggling addict parent who is glad to dump that kid (but who still wakes up at night crying, cursing the Jedi, cursing themselves - who get their life back on track for their next kid, maybe? Who meets more Jedi and is thankful after all, or who never does and stays bitter, but better...)

- the family using the adoption for clout, and the consequences for the Order PR-wise, with the younger Jedi having to let go of the bitterness and the anger

- the communities with their own customs surrounding the Force that the young Knight or the wise Master’s inexperienced Padawan struggle to grasp and accept

- the happy parents who are mildly Force-sensitive themselves but didn’t know (or did know, and expected some of their children to be sensitive too), with the Master or the Knight pondering what their own life would look like as a civilian, maybe a parent themselves, maybe giving their own child to the Order like those are doing now. Would they do it? If they could met that hypothetical version of themselves, what would they say about the life they have? 

- the superstitious, incredulous or religious parents who are just glad to get a real explanation for the floating rocks, instead of all the theories and the judging and the gossip

- the ones who are desperately poor, and so very grateful, and the younger Jedi struggling with this, wondering if that’s why they were given to the Order as well. Struggling not to judge, because they wouldn’t be happy to give up their own younglings no matter what, right? Learning to be grateful, and understanding, and compassionate. 

- the parents who decide to give their child away against the community’s pressure, finding comfort in the Jedi’s genuine desire to support them

- the siblings struggling not to feel betrayed by their parents’ choice - and the jealous ones, the proud ones, the amazed ones, the ones who were just toddlers and spend their life holding onto faded memories

And on the flipside to all of that, what about:

- the Jedi who find a baby among dead bodies, like Mace and Depa, and are so thankful they could save this one tiny light

- the Knights filled to burst with warmth and pride as the three of them get this little toddler to giggle on the way home

- the baby who has been screaming in the Force for weeks, wanting to go home, and who finally gets to feel a presence caressing his mind gently, telling him someone is coming

- the Masters who hold the little ones at night, when those who miss their old home feel lonely or sad, rocking them and singing to them

- the Jedi who have their niece, nephew, cousin, or sibling arrive in the Creche, who call their birth family to reassure them that it’ll all be okay, and yes, ‘the child will know who I am, don’t worry, we keep our names. I’ll help them along the way, I’ll keep an eye on them.’

- the Knight who shows up somewhere and experience a supersonic boom because that’s the one, this little one will be his Padawan, he knows it

- the Knight awkwardly trying to comfort the parents, but she can see that they can see that the baby has already latched onto her, and she senses their turmoil

- the Master feeling that the child won’t be suited for the life of a Jedi, and saying that, even as it’s so hard to turn away from those sparkling baby eyes and that little mental tug 

- the Padawan balancing babbling triplets on his shoulders, because they’re from a species that makes a lot of babies

- the Master-Padawan pair visiting a child a lot during the transition period, and bonding with the other siblings as well

... Just... a mess of relationships and love on all parts, with understandings being reached, people finding peace and joy, and the opposite of all that, all acknowledging that there are no bad guys here, just complicated circumstances.

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about lily evans and the marauders, aka moony, wormtail, padfoot and prongs. given that i didn't use their actual names, i think you can figure out where this is going. it's also long as hell, so. canon vs fanon, marauder edition, except snek is sleep deprived.

now, before we begin, i don't dislike the marauders. or lily, tbh. if I'm being perfectly, genuinely honest, i still go back and forth sometimes but they've been growing on me for a while now. the canon versions, at least. fanon does them real dirty, and that's part of why i'm writing this, because i'm genuinely tired of it. it's an injustice.

you can at least make excuses for james and lily, who were so undeveloped that jkr practically dropped a fill-in-the-blank sheet of character information in our laps, but sirius, remus and peter were around long enough for y'all to get real acquainted with them.

in canon, sirius black is an unhinged mf. genuinely. this isn't to say he's a bad guy, in fact, we see that he's still capable of doing good things, still capable of love, still capable of all the things that prove he's actually not bad at heart, just,,, severely traumatised and very steeped in negativity from his time with the dementors. what i'm saying is that this man is absolutely, no questions asked, no holds barred demented, and how could he not be? the guy sat wrongfully imprisoned in azkaban for twelve years, a good portion of which he spent as a dog in order to protect himself from the dementors. he certainly wasn't completely insane, but you cannot tell me that he was all there. he got out of azkaban fuelled almost solely by the intent to get revenge on pettigrew, tried to commit murder in front of three witnesses who were also children—one of whom was his godson—ate rats and was also malnourished, which i'm certain did not help the situation any. this man is off his goddamn rocker, and you know what? you love to see it. good for him.

oh, but, snek, that's what he's like as an adult. what about when they were at school? before azkaban? my guy, the reaction he has to grimmauld place is not the reaction of someone without trauma. i don't believe that walburga and orion were the type to physically abuse their children, but whatever happened in that house helped to fuck him up enough that he skipped the joke of part of practical joke, and pranked snape by telling him how to meet a werewolf that he knew would be fully transformed and dangerous to humans. more than that, the werewolf was remus, whom he's friends with, and who—best case scenario—would be facing a trial if james hadn't stepped in. you can say that maybe he didn't think about or understand the gravitas of his actions, but at the end of it, that's not how properly sane people react to people they dislike, and that's not how they treat their friends. if anything, it reads like he was in the middle of a breakdown and absolutely losing his shit and he wasn't thinking at all.

my guy went through some serious shit, and was in no way completely mentally stable. we can see pretty clearly that he's got a serious dark side to him that probably would have gone unbridled had he not disagreed with his family, and yet, fanon took one look at him and went, "teehee, uwu bad boi go vroom."

fanon said padfoot is a pretty boy with nice hair who is tastefully traumatised from his horribly abusive household. sirius rides his motorcycle and plays jokes and flirts with anything that moves, but he can do no real wrong and always comes back to his soft, bookish, chocolate-loving boyfriend remus, who will laugh about his lycanthropy and quietly disapprove but secretly laugh at his friends' antics while hiding his smile in his cardigan.

respectfully, what in the absolute fuck.

i'd put that meme in here if i could, the one that's like, "well done, you've broken _______ down to its bare essentials," but no. i can't bc it doesn't even apply. this isn't a meme, it's theseus' fucking ship.

fanon broke it down, and replaced the pieces one by one until we got to this point, where we need to sit down and ask ourselves, "is this even the same character?"

the answer is no, by the way. it isn't. when people talk about woobifying characters—you know, taking away every flaw they have, romanticising everything they do and making them only capable of doing good, wonderful, lovely things?—this is what we mean.

and it'd be one thing if it was just the one character, but, no. fanon went all in and made them all squeaky clean and boring, especially peter, who draws the shortest of the straws.

remus got fucked, too. not just because fanon insists on sticking him into a relationship with sirius. which, we'll tackle wolfstar in a bit, but that's not even the worst of it. here, we have yet another example of blatant, rampant woobifying. again, is he a bad person? no. we know he's a good guy, we know he's generally kind and well-mannered, we know that he wants to fo the right thing but hey, fun fact. did you know that you can be nice and a coward? did you know that you can be benevolent and good and kindly and have the greatest of intentions and still be shady as fuck? no? ask dumbledore. the man played people like chess pieces when he needed to, and he was a twinkly grandpa. these are things that can coexist.

teenage remus is a coward who, understandably, does not stand up to his friends, likely for fear of being ostracised, and doesn't uphold his prefect duties as he should and takes part in their bullying of snape as a result. he lets them romp with him in werewolf form while they are in their animagus forms and then, he lets them continue to do so even after they have multiple close calls, which, again, had anything happened, would have resulted in a trial in the best case scenario.

grownup remus is still a coward, he tells no one that sirius can move about the school in his animagus form despite wholeheartedly believing that he's a mass murderer, he tries to run out on his wife and unborn kid. he isn't deliberately making attempts to harm anyone, but he's content to sit back and let things happen to him and around him so he doesn't rock the boat, although he is capable of action, which we see when he is more than willing to help sirius merk pettigrew in the shack. he can be careless, he runs out to the shack knowing he hasn't taken his wolfsbane and ends up transforming in front of the students he, as a teacher, is meant to be protecting. of course, this doesn't negate his good qualities, it just bears repeating that his flaws do exist, and they're pretty serious.

fanon moony is always pleasant and kind and soft-spoken and bookish, and he always has to have his chocolate. he knows when to tell off his friends, and he'll do it, even if he's secretly amused by everything they do and laughs about it with his best friend, lily evans, who coincidentally spends all her time with them so he and sirius can go on double dates with james and lily and no one has to remember peter exists.

why. theseus' ship 2.0. does the actual character still exist or is this something entirely different thing bearing the same name?

as for peter, who needs peter pettigrew, the actual, legitimate, fourth marauder when you have lily evans? canon pettigrew is opportunistic as fuck. he's latching himself to the biggest bad on the block and he's going all in. for teenage peter, that was james and sirius, and for adult peter, that's voldemort. canon peter is good enough at transfiguration to master the animagus transformation, just like his friends, and he's good enough at potions to brew the potion that gives voldemort a body. and honestly, you can't say he wasn't brave. he could've run off somewhere and died, or changed his identity or something after he faked his death and framed sirius, but, no. he goes and resurrects voldemort. that's fucked up, yeah, but it happened and honestly, i respect that it. he stuck to his guns.

fanon wormtail is lucky if he exists beyond being a spineless sycophant for james and sirius, or an evil conniving little rat who's looking to toss his entire friend group to the wolves at eleven.

of course, this isn't meant to negate his bad qualities, he still murdered people and framed sirius and sold out the potters to die, but his good characteristics do exist, and james, sirius and remus genuinely were his friends.

and now, we get to lily and james.

we have hardly any information on either of them. they're a pair of cardboard cutouts that we can paint and stick flyers to and colour outside the lines however we want. we can do whatever the fuck, as long lily is brave and smart and somewhat kind and james is brave and willing to die for his family. we were essentially handed a pair of ocs.

and yet.

what little bits of canon we have are thrown out of the window regardless.

james is privileged and rich, and he throws hexes for fun. he's willing to hex lily when she disagrees with him, and then, he goes behind her back to continue hexing snape after she believes that he's stopped doing so. and that's all we know about him until he dies for his family at twenty-one years old. once again, say it with me: this does not negate his good qualities. he definitely had them, he took sirius in when sirius ran away from home, he became an animagus to keep remus company as a wolf, and he saved snape in the shack, thereby saving remus and sirius by extension. him having flaws does not make him a bad person.

fanon prongs is a feminist. he fights for equal rights for women everywhere, and he constantly treats his girlfriend, lily, like an absolute queen. he's the hottest boy in school and everyone claps when he walks through the halls. mcgonagall and dumbledore are always patting him on the back and making jokes with him. he has a built-in dark detector that helps him sense when someone is a evil and needs to he punished.

give me a break. the dude's cool and all, but was the gary stu treatment necessary?

...oh, he needed to match fanon lily? right, right.

canon lily is a contradiction unto herself. she's supposedly a great friend, but since we see her at a point where they were already drifting apart, we see her putting little effort into keeping their friendship afloat. she victim blames based on rumours, she doesn't seem to care over much about what snape has to say about the people who have been tormenting him since day one. and she's justified, of course, she doesn't have to stick around. canon lily is a bit of hypocrite, she says that snape calls everyone of her birth mudblood, but then that begs the question why she still hangs around with him if that's the case. he calls her mudblood, she retaliates by calling him snivellus, and finishes up with a dig about his underwear, which, sure, it's kicking a man with a rusty spoon and pouring salt in the wound, but she's, again, justified. i get where she was coming from. and then, of course, she dies for her kid after marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied her quote-unquote best friend for their entire school careers. but, like i said, canon lily is, in many ways, a contradiction.

lily is basically a plot device. she pushes everyone's narrative but her own, and does little else.

of course, this trend would continue in fanon. fanon lily exists to be the perfect girl who gets really angry over the slightest injustice, and of course, she gets to be one half of one of the oldest enemies-to-lovers "it was just sexual tension" cliche pairings in the book. she's just,,, a mary sue. in so many fics, so many headcanons, she's just pettigrew's stand-in, a girl to form a gang with marlene, mary and dorcas—who happen to be more undeveloped ocs who also get the woobify mary sue treatment—to parallel the marauders. there is nothing compelling about her character when she's presented as a saint, and even less when she's supposedly the other moral compass for the marauders that doesn't actually work because she thinks that james is cute.

and this brings me to the next topic. jily. what, why, how. this was supposed to be a healthy, happy relationship that would have lasted in the long run? absolutely not. even for its time, i can't say that i see it lasting.

first of all, jkr presents james' crush on lily as just that: a crush. a mildly obsessive one, but a crush nonetheless, which she tries to liken to the pulling of pigtails. and then, we see that james' way of getting her to go out with him consists of blackmail, and when that doesn't work, he resorts to threatening her. this could have been set aside if he had actually, genuinely changed when they started spending more time together, but as we're told by sirius and remus, he didn't. he just got better at hiding what he was up to. and it has to be that he hid it, because if she knew, this further damages the character that she's set up to have and paints her out to be either unable to stand up to him or an enabler.

regardless, they get married. and while i have trouble believing that it was out of genuine love, there are scenarios that could make some semblance of sense. it's wartime, after all, and maybe lily is worried about her stability in the wizarding world, so why not marry into an established family whose son is already showing interest? or perhaps, she falls into the trap of every bad boy cliche ever, and she thinks to herself, well, i got him to be better then, maybe i can get him to do even better in the future. or maybe, she doesn't get into a relationship with him immediately and sees him on and off, until eventually, she accidentally gets pregnant and they scramble to have a shotgun wedding so as not to leave lily alone at nineteen with a baby. or maybe they marry each other because they're there and sure, neither of then is ready and they don't know what love even is but what else is there to do when there's a dark lord about? anyways, the point is, they get married.

and then what? if we count pottermore into canon, he goes on to further damage her relationship with petunia and vernon, to the point where she ends up crying. if we don't, she fades into the background enough that nobody has anything to say about her. she's harry's mum, she's james' wife, lily potter, she was kind and smart and brave and that's it. her agency is gone, anything else we have of her personality is gone.

jily just,,, wasn't built to last. and, yeah, this,,, this is a hill i'll die on.

same with wolfstar, honestly. there are so many reasons why it wouldn't work, but fanon has made it so fucking prevalent that it's literally everywhere no matter where you look.

first of all, i've said it before and i'll say it again. sirius is more likely to get with james that he is to ever end up in a relationship with remus. their chemistry is just,,, underdeveloped. net zero for a relationship.

secondly, sirius instigated the werewolf prank, and lupin would have paid the price for it. this could have been overlooked, but he doesn't seem the slightest bit guilty about any of it when it's brought up in poa. he could have been responsible for lupin losing the security of his place at hogwarts in the best case scenario, and in the worst case, his life. and he seems to look forward to full moons, even though they clearly aren't pleasant for remus, which,,, yeah, you're going to have fun, but like, maybe be concerned about the fact that your friend undergoes excruciating pain and it isn't a pleasant time for him? read the room, my g.

thirdly, they don't trust each other as much as fanon seems to think they do. they were both willing to believe each other the traitor before ever suspecting pettigrew. sirius thought remus gave away the potters, hell, he thought remus was a spy for voldemort, and remus was convinced that sirius was a mass murderer. neither of them needed to be convinced.

fourthly, maybe i'm reading too much into it, but like. sirius had money. remus had no money, since, yk, he was a werewolf and struggling for cash and still, sirius,,, did not leave him any money. i feel like if you had money to spare, you would give to your friend who is literally poor. but, again, maybe i'm reading too much into it and this isn't as valid a point as i think it is.

and ehh, the fifth reason is that it's,,, actually very much not the representation for the ltgbt community that fanon says it is but y'all aren't ready for that conversation.

anyways, just,,, even when you set the couple shit aside, the power dynamics between everyone here is fucked. like, james and sirius are clearly at the top of food chain calling the shots and egging each other on. then there's lily, who isn't even a marauder, but is always ever-so-slightly above remus but still not on their level, because, well. neither of them actually listen to her. remus is the novelty friend, the friend who's,,, alright, i guess, but you keep them around specifically because they're funny or they can dance or they have something that you can either show off to other people or keep as your little inside joke, your little secret, yk? and peter is just sort of there. like, yeah, he can do what we can but does that make him as good as we are? no. does he have a funny little something about him that we can exploit? nah. therefore he sits at the bottom. and like, yeah, james and sirius are on the same level, but james is yanking sirius' chain, not the other way around. anyways, like i said. power dynamic's fucked and it bothers me that we were given all of this, and fanon decided to take it all and throw it away so they could give us flamboyant!badboi!sirius black x softboi!motherhen!remus lupin going on double dates with feminist!trustfundbaby!james potter and saint!lily evans while ignoring peter pettiwho?

theseus' fucking ship, indeed.

anyways, this needed to be said. it might not make as much sense as i want it to, considering it's 4:12 in the morning as i'm posting this, after taking a break from writing to do some research and coming across way too much content about fanon marauders, but it's here and it still makes enough sense that you can read it and understand what i mean. and like, at the end of the day, you can go ahead and headcanon whatever you please, you can write fic and make art and do whatever you like, just,,, remember that they're exactly that. headcanons. stop presenting fanon as canon. please. i'm literally begging. we actually have evidence against it. just,,, acknowledge that they're headcanons and stop putting them forward as though they're able to fit into canon. please.

[psychiatricwarfare]

as someone with NPD, i wanna share some characters that i think are really good* NPD representation (even if it was accidental)

The Doctor (Doctor Who)- desperately tries to be a good person who does good things but Needs people to tell them they're good. they can't believe that they are a good person without others telling them so because of their inherent selfishness and inability to really understand others - even those of the same species. they undermine all the good they've done when they're feeling down (narc crash) and play up how important they are when they're feeling good (narc high). there are a lot of other reasons but just like, every version of the doctor is so NPD coded ((especially 10)) you could probably pick out any series and see what im talking about

Dean Winchester (Supernatural)- growing up he was consistently forced to be the best of the best and not any less than that. he's gone his entire life desperately trying to be the greatest and can't show any weakness because that would mean he's failed. he's not afraid to tell you your faults because He would never make a mistake Like That which just proves that he's The Best. when really deep, deep down all he wants is someone to tell him they're proud of him. he plays up how important he is and how good he is at what he does but he's actually terrified that he isn't good enough and one day everyone else will see that too

Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty)- honestly, Rick's NPD is likely very highly tied to his autism & savantism. he's always felt different from everyone else and struggles greatly with empathy. he knows he's smarter than most other people and that makes him Special and Better than them. unfortunately, being smarter than everyone doesn't mean being loved and accepted by others and so he copes by pretending he doesn't need anyone at all, he pretends that others opinions of him dont matter but they do and he desperately does whatever he can to live a life with his family, trying and failing, to feel the love and respect he never did

there are definitely others but those are just what i can think of off the top of my head. i would definitely recommend checking out one of those "your fav has NPD" blogs and checking out characters that narcissists actually relate to so you can see if maybe you find any patterns between these characters

*by "good" i just mean accurate, i do not mean that they are a picture perfect, neat, non-problematic person because pwNPD are human beings and are capable of having flaws

hi, not a character request but i thought it might be a good place to ask this. what do people want to see in a character with NPD in terms of how theyre portrayed? im writing a game and i have a character with NPD. ive done a fair bit of research but i specifically want to know about how people feel about NPD representation in media and what makes a portrayal accurate. asking this for both the mods and anyone in the replies who might have advice, thank you in advance!

hi !! sorry for the late reply but my main thing about portraying a character w/ NPD is:

don’t make them a purely bad person, they can have bad traits ofc — every character should — but don’t make them completely bad w/ no redeeming quality’s.

and even if you do make the character like that, don’t let them be the only character that’s like that. this goes with any type of representation also

there are also a lot of other things, so you should also have people who have NPD to oversee your process in making this character, as you do not want to make a character you were trying to make good representation accidental bad representation

please don’t just take my advice either, ask other people with NPD.